Sunday, December 12, 2010

Jan. 1st, a few weeks early

It was an interesting weekend, and I think I may have figured a few things out.

The most important part of the weekend was that I finally went to the gym for a workout.

Motivation-wise, things have been pretty non-existent for weeks now. While I've told myself about a thousand times I needed to get out there and run, I've found a way to talk myself out of it every time. And while I've told myself probably twice as many times that I need to get my diet back in order, I've not done so, shoveling in a disproportionate quantity of not-so-nutritious food at an alarming rate (especially over Thanksgiving) and as a result, have managed to gain well over ten pounds since late summer. A lot of it has been mindless shoveling, at that - boredom, stress, and general angst over lingering personal situations that have been difficult to deal with.

While it would be a stretch to consider running even a 5K at the moment, I think out of everything, the weight gain gets to me the most. In 2009 I'd managed to shed nearly 60 lbs., down from a ridiculously high weight I'd told myself for years I would never see on my scale. And yet, it happened. I absolutely cannot let myself get to that weight, or even near it, ever again. I just can't. So, climbing back on the scale this weekend was a very big wake-up call, one that I've needed for many, many weeks now.

About the running itself, it occurred to me that much of the training I did last year was half-hearted; "one-legged", if you will. I made a lot of excuses and I cut a lot of corners, and as a result my first marathon experience was much more diffficult than it had to be, and no matter what anyone says, not nearly as good performance-wise as it could have been. It's almost as if I was training in a thick fog - it is distressing for me to consider just how much better my training and the actual race exeperience would have been had I buckled down with proper diet and truly dedicated training. This is entirely aside from the foot issues I was having - in a way, I used this as an excuse to not do even what I could have done - hopping on the bike, strength training, even swimming. And I paid for it.

Today was nothing stunning, mind you - I didn't feel like tearing myself a new one. 40 minutes, walking and running at a very easy pace. A good 15 minutes of careful, thoughtful stretching. 40 ball-on-the-wall situps. I felt good afterward, I still feel good now...tomorrow morning and then the day after will be the true litmus of whether or not I overdid it today.

Except I am going back to the gym tomorrow morning. And signing myself up for this.