Dearest and Most Honored Ballys Total Fitness:
Please forgive me, for I have not haunted your hallowed halls and workout machines for many, many weeks.
Verily, I have spurned you in favor of sloth - no miles have I run, no muscles have I built, no extra calories have I burned (although most certainly have partaken!)
Like a small child who slipped her spinach casserole to the dog, or refused the hygienic ministrations of hot, soapy water...I shall return to you forthwith, properly scolded, to pay pennance for my egregious lack of movement and clean, healthy nourishment.
O Mighty LifeFitness treadmills - you will once again put me on the Righteous Path of the Runner. You shall tone my softening muscles and challenge my cardio with great and endless inclines, and when I have been reduced to tears from your ministrations of pain (and boredom), outside I shall go to brave the wild, winter elements of Oregon that build character and lend the reputation of insanity....to participate in many more 5K's and Marathons so that I may procure much swag and earn shining medals of great honor and supplement my enormous t-shirt agglomeration...
I remain, properly and forever chastened, and vow to return once again to a blessed state of caloric debt....