I see you are doing better these days, now that those of you who have been missing for a while are finally starting to make a reappearance. Nice of you to join the party again -and it's about bloody well time, I might add!
Honestly, I am not exactly sure what encouraged a few of you to permanently forgo your cozy little beds last summer, but I do hear from various corners of that amazing universal bastion of knowledge, the Internet, that running just might be the culprit. I guess all that incessant shoving up against the insides of my trusty Asics as I staggered through the miles did you in once and for all. Anyway, the Internet said to simply leave you alone and let you do what you must, so I did.
My goodness but you certainly took your time! And oh, how ugly you became! I never knew there were so many fascinating shades of....well, black. For a while it looked as if you'd been assaulted by a hammer, but fortunately you never hurt nearly as bad as that unfortunate circumstance surely would have caused. In fact, you bothered me so little as you gradually let go of my toes that the only times I recalled anything was amiss was in the shower or when delicately pulling on my socks, taking care to avoid snagging you against the threads. And once you finally fell off, your newer and somewhat more pliable compatriots were patiently waiting beneath, a much more pleasant looking pinkish-white, ready to take over.
So here's to you, my trusty toe-guards, my tough little keratin phalange-crowns. I'm glad you're back, and perhaps I should hesitate to tell you, but I shall continue running even though it could mean more of you will be forced to sacrifice yourselves for the sake of my crazy habit. I will miss you if you go, but you know what they say about absence and fond hearts and all that!
But please, if you don't mind - spring and summer are right around the corner, which means sandal season is fast approaching, and while I know that all good things are truly worth waiting for, I'd sure appreciate if ya'll would pull your collective act together and grow all the way back by then!
Thanks a million!